MAGIC HANDSHAKES FOR HEAVEN: The Twisted Logic of Mormon Temples

Over the years, I've seen the internet become a great source of spreading secularism, for religion, especially strict religion, thrives in a vacuum. 

The less people are able to compare their idea of truth or discuss why people left a religion, the more rationally and objectively people will view their own beliefs.

Learning anthropology, the study of various cultures, is a great way to see how we "inherit" religion in our toddler years from our parents and accept it as truth, but this is the same no matter where we grew up or what beliefs we were taught. 

Letting go of such ideas about life and the world takes effort and logical thinking, since what "feels" true will almost always be what we were taught in childhood.

Enough provable lies, and realizing that others have left various faiths without basically being struck by lightening, will eventually sway those open to logic, but that's sadly rare in America. 

While we Americans seem sure we're always #1, we're actually highest in the world in very few categories, such as having 30% of our people incarcerated, owning BY FAR the most guns, spending more than all other countries combined on defense, and 74% of citizens believing in God.

Regarding religions that flail in the face of publicly disseminated information, let's look at Mormonism, which threatened pain of death for telling anyone the secret rituals that take place in their temples. 

These secret rituals were only ever shared with the uttermost-devout members. It took years of humble worship, following every rule the leaders ever thought up, and donating a full 10% of one's net income to "deserve" to learn these secret handshakes and phrases to basically get through the Pearly Gates.

A threat of having one's throat cut and being gutted, as well as sharing a bunk with Hitler in the Eternity, was used for a century to enforce order. So frighteningly much tithing money is spent making hundreds of these elaborately lavish temples, yet visits to these palaces are mere dreams for most of the membership.

While the threat was taken out of the ritual for legal reasons, as was blessing of the loins by touching the skin, the threat to one's eternal salvation is still quite great, thus devout members never discuss the subject.

Now, however, thanks to the internet, you can read about them in great detail, watch them on hidden camera, and watch them reenacted, such as on the show BIG LOVE. 

Yes, you can watch Netflix and learn the secret handshake to get you into heaven! Makes SENSE, right??

In other words, no eternal commitment is needed to find out that the rituals are stupid, creepy, and almost entirely like those done by the Masons. (Taking theirs seemed a much easier idea to Joseph Smith than making up his own, and he seemed to assume no one would be the wiser.)

***Note that this is the Big Love video of which I speak, and it's clean, but the rest of the TV series tends to contain rather explicit sex scenes.***

Amusingly, this episode caused scandal on Utah news stations and thus brought about a lot of attention for anyone wanting to learn about the rituals, since this is not a show most Mormons would ever watch due to the nudity factor.

In other words, the LDS church bringing attention to the scenes really had the opposite effect of stopping the secrets from getting out. Also, taking issue with the scenes helped prove their legitimacy.

It should also be noted that while the show includes polygamy, and while that's still part of Mormon doctrine, it is not technically legal in Utah and is thus only practiced in small rural areas or hidden from the law. 

However, Mormon scripture does say it's required for the highest degree of eternal glory--the guys who get to be gods of their own planets.

This is never discussed, and often denied, despite it still technically being doctrine. (Since denying it was required for statehood, this seems almost entirely a legal issue, and many men do stay temple married to more than one woman if the first is deceased, meaning the man gets two wives in the next life.) 

The belief, again really avoided being mentioned by Mormon leaders, is that the afterlife will be the time of men taking their large harems of wives to have spirit babies for their planets, but it wouldn't be popular if it were actually mentioned much at all.

The fact that these men are set up as polygamists in the afterlife is ignored, despite a blissful afterlife with loved ones being the main goal of all of the strict rules of the religion. You don't drink coffee if you want a nice house in heaven, pretty much.

The idea that LDS prophets also went on and on about how Black people didn't deserve to ever be more than servants to White men in the afterlife, is also not spoken about, nor was Brigham Young's dictatorship of the Utah Territory that, in many ways, rivaled that of Hitler, just on a smaller scale and with slightly different threats.

But that's a discussion for another day. For now, watch the clip and know you've got the elite pass into heaven, so have a beer--or at least a cup of joe--on me. 

BILL MAHER SAYS COME OUT TO THE WORLD AS NONBELIEVERS

Bill Maher asked American atheists to come out to the world so that we can be seen and heard, but this isn't England, nor is it Scandinavia. The average voter puts atheists and rapists in the same category--or worse!

The idea that atheists should all be executed to appease God so he'll stop the wars, famines, etc., is even mentioned. We are the supposed scourge of the world, sometimes seen as far worse than Al-Qaeda, for at least THEY fear God.

It will take a wiser world for it to be safe for all atheists to stop inside their computers. I've been writing a novel on just such a world, and it definitely gets worse before it gets better.

The article on Maher's comments can be found here.

BRITISH FIND ATHEISTS MORE MORAL

Here's a great article (click on the image) on how Brits already grasp that morality and theism are not only not directly connected but that the opposite is true: atheists tend to be more empathetic and better at following The Golden Rule.

My thinking is that of the carrot versus stick approach to life; atheists are nice to others because it makes us feel good and makes life easier, while many religious folks focus on being good out of fear of punishment. Dale Carnegie (the How to Win Friends and Influence People guy) pointed out in his books that fear of punishment was the worst way possible to run a company, so imagine what that means for supposedly running the universe.
 

HEROES ARE FLAWED

It's been way too long. Part of that is life, part tiring of arguing with people who find logic anathema, part finding other outlets for my rants, and, last but not least, mostly making some atheist friends online.

In response to this amusing photo an acquaintance of mine took of what to do when family forces gifts of a religious nature on you, I wrote the following:
My pic of "Jesus" at Gethsemane on my wall is actually a poster for a play where my most hedonistic acquaintance played the guy without needing any sort of hair, makeup, or costume. He hung out in that style of robes in his free time, had the hair and beard, and is a decent actor. He's also a selfish womanizer who gets underage girls pregnant and runs for the hills.

It's a reminder that even real heroes that existed, such as Einstein, Newton, and Emily Dickinson, were pretty messed up people with very HUMAN problems. We glorify them, but they all tend to be of the chop their ear off variety of madness and deep flaws when we look at them as a whole.

My point is that even if the guy existed, to which there is only proof otherwise of anything written during his supposed time, he'd be flawed. (Note how about 30 years of his life weren't mentioned AT ALL. Was that his teen rebel and gay period?) Seriously, though, even the biblical God is a flawed asshole most of the time, so why do religious people think of him and Jesus as perfect? The bible seems proof otherwise.

When i asked an Orthodox Presbyterian I know, he said, "God DEFINES good, so ANYTHING He does is good by definition." Whatever, but why then does it only apply to him? If I, say, were to find a way to flood the world of all the folks who didn't follow my every word, I'd be the worst tyrant the world had ever seen, so the works themselves are not good, just God and whatever whim happens to strike him at that moment. 

Yeah, the belief is all pretty abusive--not to mention being all about giving those few allowed to speak for God to the masses MASSIVE amounts of freaking power. How sad it is that when we try to free people from such abusive enslavement they call us immoral, evil, and less trustworthy than rapists. Truly, truly sad.

By the way, I'm not for going around killing people who annoy me, but I'm not overly surprised they did Socrates in. He was the adult version of that four-year-old kid who follows you around asking "why, why, but why" every second until you want to rip your hair out and cover their mouth with duct tape. FREAKING BRILLIANT, yes, but annoying as hell. Einstein was even more of an ass due to playing so little value on people versus massive value on himself and his work. Nature tends to even things out that way; no one has it all.

DAVE SILVERMAN ROCKS!

Not surprisingly, 18-year-old LDS (Mormon) boys know far, far less about even their own version of Christianity than Mr. Silverman does.

FAITH & IMAGINARY FRIENDS

A friend of mine is very LDS, but he admits it does not matter in the least if everything about it is proven false--good thing, too, because it could all be proven false and completely made up and stolen from other fictional sources in a court of law.

I find this lack of needing evidence disturbing, for why live a lie just to perpetuate a sense of delusional peacefulness? This is like believing you will get a windfall and spending all of your time shopping yourself into debt (i.e. living in denial). *sigh* Sadly, people were interviewed as to why issues like Global Warming and credit-card debt were irrelevant to them, and they quoted Revelations saying God would be back soon, so why worry? *facepalm*

But that's all what faith is: believing in something that makes no rational sense whatsoever and denying any proof that stares you square in the face due to faith bringing warm fuzzies. In other words, their imaginary friend brings them soft slippers and hot cocoa when they're stressed--at least if they buy said slippers, cocoa, cooking apparatus, and electricity, and if they fetch and heat these things themselves.

Aren't imaginary friends uber-useful?? I mean, heck, they do things for you if you do them yourself! Just like a four-year-old and a teddy-bear tea party!

EASTER CAN GET OBNOXIOUS

Okay, it's been just about an eternity since I've posted. I got out of my angry atheist phase for a bit and didn't need to rant quite so loudly...but then Easter happened. *heavy sigh* People just don't realize that they are celebrating pagan rituals of nature's rebirth and a holiday the Romans decided should take over that pagan holiday (much like Christmas did for Yule). It's all so "opiate of the masses."

I mean, sure, there's not a lot of HARM in it, per se, but I wish people would realize Christ and the Easter Bunny are both just random crap people thought up. While people will admit one is just a fun gimmick for kids, so few will agree that the latter is just propaganda to keep adults similarly in line.

HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!

My friend posted this telling me to stay indoors and eat fancily decorated chicken abortions instead of going out and congregating where the celebrated zombie Jesus might get me and eat my brain. She's a riot, and religion DOES seem to be for the brainless, so maybe it's too late for all of those churchgoing folks: Jesus already ate their brains. :-)

I BLESS YOU WITH THIS POO...

As if all of the craziness of Catholicism weren't already enough, now you can know you are getting sprayed with poo at every Mass. How lovely.

But it's the poo of Christ, so it's holy poo.

That's right along the lines with "urine mints," which are the free mints in a bowl by the door when you are leaving restaurants that have been touched by so many people, usually men, who do not wash their hands when they use the bathroom and have been found to be covered in urine. (Granted, so is every door handle and touchable surface because of such lazy folks with no concept of microbiology.)

Since this story has appeared in satirical publications and is treated somewhat as a joke in this video, I include this link to The Washington Times about the official study. And, honestly, everyone touching anything, especially something both moist and kept at room temperature, is going to mean some pretty nasty germs running rampant. E. coli can be found in frightening numbers in nearly everyone's sponges and towels and sinks, for instance, especially that kitchen sponge you wipe over every surface.

By the way, I had to chuckle at CNN for their embed code. YouTube videos include about one line of code, but this one has twelve. And that's without even including centering the frame on the page.

RIGHT-WING CHRISTIANS

Because of a book written under questionable circumstances by people with a very primitive worldview and proven to often be mistranslated and full of outright errors--never mind the obvious impossibility of the myths it contains or the many books excluded by the editors in political power along the way--Christians feel they have the right, no, the obligation, to inflict their beliefs on everyone else.

When someone has an imaginary friend whom they believe is always with them, talks to them, and grants their wishes, the person is schizophrenic and not someone we should drop all sanity and follow blindly. 

HITCHENS VS GOD

Here is Hitchens giving a speech disproving any existence of God:

A BELOVED FAMOUS CHEF ON MORALITY WITHOUT RELIGION

WELL SAID, RICKY

PRESCRIPTION STRENGTH RELIGION

Yeah, some of those diets and all of that anal retention could definitely lead to constipation, and the other side effects are pretty self evident. 

ATHEISTS HAVE HIGHER IQ

Click on the image to read the whole article. 

Now, I realize the statistics of higher income and such are based on England's progressively agnostic society, which is decidedly different from that in America, but the IQ stats being made public like this are highly encouraging. I mean, it is quite refreshing to have scientific evidence for saying only stupid people have imaginary friends in the sky, even if it seems quite self evident.

ATHEIST JESUS ON FACEBOOK

I came across the Facebook page "Atheist Jesus" today, and it contained the following:

There was then a request for videos of advice or personal experiences to help folks in Melissa's situation. (Click on the graphic to participate.) 

I made the following comment:

To Melissa, I would remind her less-than-loving-and-accepting loved ones that Jesus told them not to throw stones (or sandals) or judge. Violence in the name of religion (aka who someone chooses as his or her imaginary friend) seriously makes me sick.
I think the issue here is that no amount of physical or emotional torture your loved ones could do to you seems like a drop in the bucket to the eternal torture you are supposedly going to receive in Hell, and parents are told in many religions they are obligated to save your soul or can be damned themselves for your actions.

There is also the rather typical Mormon response to believe you must be kept away from the rest of the family in order to both show you the seriousness of your actions and to keep impressionable younger siblings away from your evil influence--being gay or being an atheist is treated pretty similarly in this state, and we have the highest rate of teen suicide in the nation to show for just how common kicking out homosexuals for the sake of the rest of the family is. (Legal age and parental obligations be damned, apparently.)

My conclusion on this is that we need to both show that atheists aren't "evil" people and teach the younger generation that religion is brainwashing crap so that, much like discrimination against women and blacks and now homosexuals, it becomes progressively a moot point and the haters are slowly getting shut out and dying off.

Living in Utah, it seems like quite the uphill battle, but I stand for truth and rightness. (Trust me, if you're formerly LDS, that's hilarious.)

CARLIN DECONTRUCTS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

George Carlin has an interesting take on the Ten Commandments and how we really only need one or two of them.

I found the differences between the Roman Catholic version he knows and the King James version used by Mormons to be interesting, especially for something supposedly to be so important to all mankind.

For the curious, the relate to coveting being all-inclusive in one commandment and not separated into differences between coveting things and wives (which were property, anyway) and to including a ban on graven images and taking God's name in vain, which are things with which I guess you really don't see Roman Catholics overly concerning themselves. I mean, imagine Catholic churches without statues!

Anyway, Carlin was always amusing, and this bit is no exception.

A SINGLE GIRL IN UTAH

Extremely high intelligence has always been important to me, but you can imagine how I feel when someone is discussing literal rocket science and then goes on about his fairy godfather in the sky.

Group delusion may become "normal" when perpetuated for thousands of years, but it's still a stupid delusion of ignorant minds.

I realize that living in Utah and thinking I can date someone who is smart enough to have gotten past his upbringing to no longer believe in God is problematic, but I am finding atheist groups on Facebook to join.

There is Utah Atheists, which is a group that you just need to ask and be allowed into. And there is Utah Postmormons, which is not atheist, per se, but is at least not LDS (Mormon). They, however, are a secret group requiring invitation. ("Secret" on Facebook means the membership is not public.)

I am more than happy to help anyone find such new friends who is also suffering from too much LDS.

THE POPE MAKING ME FACEPALM

The Pope has gone on a bit of a rampage against atheism, and his reasoning is highly flawed. Not that any of us expect someone with that level of power for believing and enforcing something so obviously fake to do anything but try to get more money, er, uh, I mean followers to Jesus.

TYSON ON SCIENCE VERSUS RELIGION

Neil deGrasse Tyson's explanation of why knowing only a small percentage of all things doesn't mean to throw your hands in the air and declare it all must just have been done by God. My father was a prominent physicist and made sense with science and his religion by believing God to be a brilliant scientist as well, thus following physical laws (many of which we have yet to comprehend) to create what we perceived as miracles.

While I obviously disagree with a belief in God, I can, at least, agree better with those who associate scientific discovery and the gaining of knowledge to be the ideal--even if I don't, necessarily, see it as becoming "godlike."