Monday, January 19, 2015

MAGIC HANDSHAKES FOR HEAVEN: The Twisted Logic of Mormon Temples

Over the years, I've seen the internet become a great source of spreading secularism, for religion, especially strict religion, thrives in a vacuum. 

The less people are able to compare their idea of truth or discuss why people left a religion, the more rationally and objectively people will view their own beliefs.

Learning anthropology, the study of various cultures, is a great way to see how we "inherit" religion in our toddler years from our parents and accept it as truth, but this is the same no matter where we grew up or what beliefs we were taught. 


Letting go of such ideas about life and the world takes effort and logical thinking, since what "feels" true will almost always be what we were taught in childhood.

Enough provable lies, and realizing that others have left various faiths without basically being struck by lightening, will eventually sway those open to logic, but that's sadly rare in America. 


While we Americans seem sure we're always #1, we're actually highest in the world in very few categories, such as having 30% of our people incarcerated, owning BY FAR the most guns, spending more than all other countries combined on defense, and 74% of citizens believing in God.

Regarding religions that flail in the face of publicly disseminated information, let's look at Mormonism, which threatened pain of death for telling anyone the secret rituals that take place in their temples. 


These secret rituals were only ever shared with the uttermost-devout members. It took years of humble worship, following every rule the leaders ever thought up, and donating a full 10% of one's net income to "deserve" to learn these secret handshakes and phrases to basically get through the Pearly Gates.

A threat of having one's throat cut and being gutted, as well as sharing a bunk with Hitler in the Eternity, was used for a century to enforce order. So frighteningly much tithing money is spent making hundreds of these elaborately lavish temples, yet visits to these palaces are mere dreams for most of the membership.

While the threat was taken out of the ritual for legal reasons, as was blessing of the loins by touching the skin, the threat to one's eternal salvation is still quite great, thus devout members never discuss the subject.


Now, however, thanks to the internet, you can read about them in great detail, watch them on hidden camera, and watch them reenacted, such as on the show BIG LOVE

Yes, you can watch Netflix and learn the secret handshake to get you into heaven! Makes SENSE, right??

In other words, no eternal commitment is needed to find out that the rituals are stupid, creepy, and almost entirely like those done by the Masons. (Taking theirs seemed a much easier idea to Joseph Smith than making up his own, and he seemed to assume no one would be the wiser.)

***Note that this is the Big Love video of which I speak, and it's clean, but the rest of the TV series tends to contain rather explicit sex scenes.***





Amusingly, this episode caused scandal on Utah news stations and thus brought about a lot of attention for anyone wanting to learn about the rituals, since this is not a show most Mormons would ever watch due to the nudity factor.

In other words, the LDS church bringing attention to the scenes really had the opposite effect of stopping the secrets from getting out. Also, taking issue with the scenes helped prove their legitimacy.

It should also be noted that while the show includes polygamy, and while that's still part of Mormon doctrine, it is not technically legal in Utah and is thus only practiced in small rural areas or hidden from the law. 


However, Mormon scripture does say it's required for the highest degree of eternal glory--the guys who get to be gods of their own planets.

This is never discussed, and often denied, despite it still technically being doctrine. (Since denying it was required for statehood, this seems almost entirely a legal issue, and many men do stay temple married to more than one woman if the first is deceased, meaning the man gets two wives in the next life.) 

The belief, again really avoided being mentioned by Mormon leaders, is that the afterlife will be the time of men taking their large harems of wives to have spirit babies for their planets, but it wouldn't be popular if it were actually mentioned much at all.

The fact that these men are set up as polygamists in the afterlife is ignored, despite a blissful afterlife with loved ones being the main goal of all of the strict rules of the religion. You don't drink coffee if you want a nice house in heaven, pretty much.

The idea that LDS prophets also went on and on about how Black people didn't deserve to ever be more than servants to White men in the afterlife, is also not spoken about, nor was Brigham Young's dictatorship of the Utah Territory that, in many ways, rivaled that of Hitler, just on a smaller scale and with slightly different threats.


But that's a discussion for another day. For now, watch the clip and know you've got the elite pass into heaven, so have a beer--or at least a cup of joe--on me. 

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